charlie

for the sniffed up population of hattersley estate,
for all you jumped up teens who think that it's so great,
for all you struggling parents just after an escape,
for all you bright young men acting just like apes.

can nobody else see what effect has this ching?
can nobody else see the arrogenge it brings?
can nobody else see all our girls wasting away?
can nobody else see them as they walk around each day?

everyone thinking they're ten men,
everyone so in your face,
open your eyes and see the big picture,
it's the chizner that's our disgrace.

can you not find that confidence,
without powdering your nose?
is that our only way up in the world?
or is that just the way it goes?

though i do not judge it's fine by me,
just think you need to open your eyes to see,
that it's not too bad if you're the one in control,
it's when the snow controls you that it eats at your souls.

dont be scared

do you know i'm a person?
i'm here can't you see?
do you think i cant see you...staring through me?
"hello" eye contact...now was that hard?
just for a moment...let down your guard,
no need to be scared i'm not a mugger,
just look like a scally you cheeky bugger,
i walk past you most days, even twice on some,
but smile at you i cant coz you always look glum,
like i'm going to hit you in the face,
scared i'll enter your personal space,
you dont realise i'm a lovely girl,
"you look great today...give us a twirl"
dont let the tracksuit and trainers scare,
that's not the only thing that's there,
it scares you i know of this i'm aware,
but that's for my benefit not yours,
13yrs of nothing now i'm evening scores,
but lady believe me it's not to scare you,
it's so i can stand tall, fit in with the crew.

smelly kelly

wish "smelly kelly" would leave my side,
all this hurt kept inside,
13yrs of mental abuse,
and "we were kids" is your excuse.

not sorry you just shrug it off,
thinking everything's fine,
not knowing what you've done to me,
believe me revenge will be mine.

hate all these feelings making me wary!
six years on and you still fkin scare me,
it's different now though...i wont let you see,
i'm better than that now...dont you agree?

head high, shoulders back,
tummy pulled in, on the right track,
eyes off the floor now staring at you,
hard bitch am i, no longer scared of you!

but next is the bit you do not see,
all of this hurt kept inside of me,
i still shake, i still cry, still wish i could die,
coz when you're in a room extra special i try,
to impress you i think, is my main goal,
dont see why i bother...you have no soul!
but still i worry before every sentence,
is this going to make any sense?
will i be laughed at like all those years ago?
if you've been there...you will know.

i've seen them when i walk in a room,
"shhhh...it's her,...you do....remember?"
"we popped her tyres in that lonely september"
yeah...funny that was, i still laugh now!
i said "dad please fix it" and he said "how?"
"with brass buttons? maybe a spit shine?"
I HATE YOU YOU BASTARDS...THAT BIKE WAS MINE!!

fake confidence now is what i use,
to cover up that emotional bruise,
still there from all those years ago,
a head full of worry and a heart full of sorrow.

but smile i will and screw you all,
go find someone else to call,
coz i'm not your verbal punchbag now,
so fuck off or i'll tune you you ignorant cow!!

mistakes

always look back and watch where you step,
coz if you dont you're gonna regret,
the mistakes you'll make more than once i bet,
but once they're made you shouldnt forget,
what made them happen, for why and how?
dont shrug it off or wipe your brow.

for it is there to teach you, the ways of the world,
and it will fkin haunt you if you dont quickly learn,
what it is to be a person, to respect, to love to care,
not to ignore people and act like they're not there.

it is to stand hands up and say....
"i've made a mistake, at your mercy i lay"
not to lie and say "no not me",
when in your head you can clearly see,
you were in the wrong, you made a mistake,
but it's only credit for the good things you take,
tossers you are but one day you'll know...
what mistakes are for....to help you to grow.

trojan horse

feeling like a cube...4 sides and boxed in,
feeling like a circle... waiting to begin,
feeling like a void... frozen in space,
feeling like you want me...out of your face!

a tower on its own,
in a castle with crumbled walls,
held together with ivy that's grown,
wrapped between its lonely halls.

the guards gave up years ago,
went home as they saw no threat,
even though true threat was a trojan horse,
when your guards leave is this what you get?

will these walls be rebuilt after this fight?
will the guards come back when all is right?
will the princess return to her tower up high?
or will her and her carriage ride away with a sigh?

the answer to all of these questions i seek,
before like the tower i'm crumbling and weak,
held together not with ivy but a meer daisy chain,
with random thoughts like these swimming through my brain.

confused

what to write? how to find?
a way to express whats on my mind,
without harsh words as this is not me,
what is my answer? where is the key?

i put down in verse the way i feel inside,
so behind my constant smile i can hide,
not bottling it up, just dealing with it,
not getting angry as my teeth i grit.

but sometimes i wonder...when will i blow?
when will i stop writing and my true feelings show?
no longer rational...not able to rhyme,
it seems that with many there comes this time.

still i am strong, i do not blow my fuse,
the way that i see it...if i do that..i lose,
so i will stay calm and bite my tongue,
but is this right or is it wrong?

thank you

feeling trapped inside though i dont know why,
cant tell you the reason i could break down and cry,
feeling so lost as never before,
feeling like i should settle some scores.

so here comes the hatred i keep so well hidden,
here comes my blowout for which i can be forgiven,
here are my harsh words so i can feel better,
read every word-down to the last letter.

to the ppl that provided torture every single day,
their own form of abuse each had their own way,
i hate you for the way you made me feel inside,
do you know(or care) that every night i cried?

to my idol for dropping his one true friend,
when his love for another drove him round the bend,
pushed aside by the only person never to judge,
but i carried on...i dont hold a grudge.

to the ppl that took advantage of my nature so kind,
you lot rarely cross my mind,
coz that was your loss and didnt affect me,
i've learnt how to switch of...that's been my key.

brick walls to keep the bad things out,
my music to sing rather than scream and shout,
my ambition for better to drive me on,
but still you all hold a place, you'll never be gone.

you all made me stronger for this i thank you,
you made my view on the world so tender and true,
though a 5inch heel through your temple would have helped me smile,
knowing i'm better than you all has kept my smile.